Thursday, October 18, 2012

HELENA CONFIDENTIAL

Hello and happy Thursday, loveys!
Let me ask you guys something. Does the truth really set you free?
'Cause I've gotta say, I don't feel very free lately.

Just the opposite, actually. I feel heavy. I mean, literally weighed down. Between my commitments to family, work, friends and writing, I just don't feel very free at all.
Hmm...

*rubs chin*
What to do?...What to do?

Well, I do have a couple of secrets stashed away that I guess I could spill. So, in an effort to feel lighter; to be "set free," I'm totally gonna spill 'em.

First confession: I have a skeleton in my closet. No, I really do have a skeleton in my closet. Go ahead and peek inside.
Go on. I'll wait.



"Helena's closet should be bigger. I recommend her husband build her a walk-in."
 Whew!

 You know what? I do actually feel a little lighter. Glad to get that off my chest.

Okay, lemme think of another one...

*snaps fingers*

Got one! I am willing to share my top secret flawless skin secret. I hope you're sitting, because this one's pretty profound.

It's also super embarrassing. Don't judge.

Umm, guys? I wipe my face with toilet seat covers.


Supermodel secret of the stars. For reals.

Yeah, I totally do. Not used ones or anything, mind you. No, don't laugh! It's just that my skin is way crappy. And of course I've tried the little oil blotters. Me and Sephora are likethis, so please don't tell her that I prefer blotting papers in the public toilets over the ones on her shelves.

I must say, this whole spilling-my-guts thing is completely therapeutic. I feel 10 pounds lighter already. I'm on a roll, why stop now? Okay, loveys, I'm going to trust you with my top-secret, super-high clearance level Hush-hush:


Yep. I'm a superhero. I have a certificate and everything.
And there you have it. No more secrets, guys. Freedom is my bitch.

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