Thursday, January 17, 2013


I'd never make it in Hollywood.

For one thing, I don't have any of the cool vices required. I never smoke cigarettes or do drugs. I don't even drink alcohol more than a few times a year. (Lame, I know.)

What I do struggle with, though, is sugar. It's not as sweet as it sounds, besties.

*solemn head shake*

I swear it's an actual addiction. You wouldn't know it though, by the shamefully low number of sugar-busting rehab facilities or outreach programs for gluttons like me. Where's my help? Psh! More tax dollars at waste.

Anyhoo, since there is no Lick-erette patch to ease my cravings or any insurance coverage for my withdrawals, I am forced to kick my habit on my own. Cold turkey.

But if you think my journey is any easier than Lohan's, think again.

It happens, as so many addictions do, with temptation...wanting to belong, or be comforted, or some other excuse I come up with.

Love at 1st bite?

And sometimes it's not even my fault at all. Like when you're driving somewhere, then mentally drift off - just for a sec - then arrive at your destination not really remembering the drive. It happens to all of us. I can't really be faulted here. And more times than not, it's really like my utensils have a mind all their own.

"Well, hello there, sweetie."

You see? Clearly, she has a mind of her own. So she typically works up the courage, psychs herself up, and after a deep breath, decides to approach the yummy dish.

Innocent, right? No different than, say, me at a bar buffet.

So without any conscious effort, I eat the dessert(s). And also whatever was left on the plate by my husband. And anything my kids didn't finish. And/or my co-workers, friends, and the people at the next table over. Just so I don't waste. 'Cause that's bad for the environment, or something like that.

And then, the shame of my overdose, combined with the embarrassment of the overhang around my waistband, rears its ugly head and makes me feel all the more like crap.

"Shut the fork up, damsel in diabetes!"

So what happens next? You guessed it.

"I only wanted to spoon."
 I go and eat my feelings.

It's a vicious cycle. But one that I am now ready to break. This time for serious. The first step is admitting my problem, loveys. Hi, my name is Helena, and I'm a sweetheart sugarholic.

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