Thursday, January 31, 2013


I don't mean to brag, but I'm kind of awesome at games. I crush my opponents at Scrabble, checkers, and spades. And Battleship? Psh! Don't even try me.

(I do suck at mind games though. Please don't try those on me, 'cause I will totes lose.)

But if you, lovey, would like to challenge me to a friendly game of skee-ball or perhaps we could have a dance fight on the Xbox, I gladly accept.

I will warn you, however, that I am a Black-belt gamer:

All's fair in love and Wii.
It's totally okay to cover your opponent's eyes, according to the rules I make up when it suits me. As long as you only do it sometimes, and as long as you don't do it to me. Then it's perfectly fine.

No worries, lovebugs. My kids are used to my competitive side. Actually our entire family consists of champion fun-havers. Nothing like chillaxin' with a game after a long, hard day at daycare. Am I right, guys?

A family that plays together, stays together.
My favorite games are the specialty ones, like the Monopoly-St. Louis version, or the chess game using Lord of the Rings pieces, or like this:
But please don't let the sweet jewels fool ya, besties. And let's not twist my love for you when I tell you that I will thrash a challenger with my super-cute Dominoes. Believe that.

I've learned a lot on my path to being self-proclaimed Game Champion. You know what's an invaluable part of kicking someone's butt in a game? The art of the bluff. Sometimes you can shake someone's confidence just by convincing them you've already won. They've half given up before it's even started. Winning!

And the face is essential. Anyone who's ever watched a poker tournament will tell you that. If you're not good at bluffing with the eyes, follow the pro's lead and rock sunglasses. Hide half your face with a baseball cap or hoodie. Just whatever you do, you've gotta master the face. When you get ready to play, you need to have your poker face on, or your game face on, or maybe even your "O" face on. Whatever it takes. Never let 'em see you sweat. No matter how hot it gets in that hoodie.

Exhibit A:
Poker face.

You see? I could probably kick ass on one of those bore-me-to-death poker shows on ESPN. In fact, I think I will go ahead and enter myself. Right after I learn to play poker.

Exhibit B:
Tic-tac-toe face.
You see what I did there? Because my game face is right on point, my opponent had no clue I was beating him and calling him a "ho," all at once. Mad skills.

Exhibit C:
Memory face.
And that, my friends, is how it's done. Give good face. Play like a pro. Win repeatedly, and then send me a commission on any gambling earnings.

Play on, playa!

*Does the Sammy Sosa finger kiss, chest touch, peace sign* 
*struts out*

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